A few of my favourite things

Fun fact: “The Sound of Music” was the first movie I went to see with my family when I was a kid. A minor qualification, though: Really, the first movie I ever saw was the night before in a Friday night outing with my Dad and my friends from the neighbourhood to the drive-in, where we saw a forgettable stock-car racing movie called “Red Line 7000” with James Caan.

Anyway, “The Sound of Music” ended up producing a boatload of cultural references over time and, in the Internet age, a raft of memes that range from sublime to hilarious.

“Red Line 7000,” not so much.

As such, of all the songs in “The Sound of Music,” the song “My Favourite Things” has probably been parodied most throughout the 55-year history of the film.

Permit me to add another. Sing along if you know the tune.

My favourite things

Ntcham and Jozo and Rogic and Boli,
Griff blasts a shot that slips right past their goalie,
Jeremie Frimpong flies quick up the wing,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Killie in Glasgow, French Eddy puts two in,
Oh, and hey look, Tom, “Whit’s the goalie daein’?”
Taylor to CalMac, the Green Brigade sings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Broony at Rugby Park, Moi Elyounoussi,
Bitton upfield with a shot like an Uzi,
Forrest and Christie, two midfielding kings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Loss to Cluj, and draw at Livi,
When I’m feeling sad,
I simply remember The Wall is in goal,
And then I don’t feel so bad.

Riding the storm out: Coping with the virus-caused Hoops-free spring

So some of you may have noticed — at least my mother did (thanks, Mom) — that I hadn’t posted all last week. As you might imagine, that pesky COVID-19 has put a huge crimp on my life (as it has everyone’s) on several levels: My freelance work has all but evaporated for the moment, leaving me scrambling for a bit to rearrange my life and my work. But now all seems to be fine, relatively speaking, as the governor of California is making me stay indoors for the time being.

I do freely and readily admit, though, perhaps the biggest adjustment is not having football. Probably yours too, no doubt. And plans to visit Glasgow mid-year have been put on hold, so Celtic Park (and Calton Books, incidentally) will have to wait before I grace both with my presence.

So since I am stuck at home, I would like to remind everyone that it is only quarantine if it’s from the quarantine region of France; otherwise, it’s just sparkling isolation. With this in mind, here’s how to pass the time.

Subscribe to Celtic TV and watch past games

Though I am not on the payroll of the broadcaster, I am one of the biggest fans of Celtic TV. Tom Boyd, Paul Cuddihy, and Kelly Clark — I miss you guys! Celtic fans outside the UK have it great, with live broadcasts of the Hoops, not to mention being able to re-watch games once they’re through.

I understand that UK subscribers must wait 24 hours to watch the live games. But now that there are no live games to wait a day to watch, the Celtic TV library is filled with this season’s games — as well as some past classics, reserve squad games, and other Celtic-related programming — and you’re able to watch the games by just calling them up on the screen. Easy peasy.

For the US$28 a month I pay, Celtic TV is now a godsend since I can watch games any time. I don’t know if the cost is the same in the UK, but even if it is, it’s a steal.

I have started watching this season again, starting with the Hearts game. To keep things authentic, I still wake up at 4 a.m. to watch the noon kickoffs, just as I would if the Bhoys were still playing. And they keep winning– Olivier Ntcham always manages to score late at the end of the Lazio game in Rome to save the day. It’s amazing.

“Rome, conquered!”

Join us at Celtic Noise for some banter

Ever since I’ve been a fan of the Hoops, I’ve been a regular at The Celtic Noise, an online forum of Celtic fans hosted by the folks that bring you The Celtic Star (full disclosure: My blog posts often appear on The Celtic Star, as I am a regular contributor to the online publication).

The Noise is a collection of passionate and opinionated Celtic fans who are not shy about showing their allegiance to the green-and-white, and the freewheeling nature of talking about a wide range of topics — not always Celtic-related — makes it a very interesting place to spend time if you’re cooped up in place to ride out the virus.

Again, as passionate and opinionated fans can be, bear in mind that a few of the participants can be . . . let’s just say “overbearing,” but don’t let that deter you from participating. It’s a great community and a great avenue to talk about Celtic. And many threads are entertaining, whether they started out to be or not.

So sign up and get into the game . . . I mean, discussion.

Read, watch videos, and stay safe

Order a copy of just about anything from the Celtic FC Store (books or DVDs) or the Celtic Star Bookstore and read or watch. If you don’t want to venture out to the bookstore or the library, the selection of Celtic books and media in both places are top-drawer. Probably the best Christmas gift I received back in December was the Broony DVD — a definite must-watch for any Celtic fan, and I still pop it in the DVD player from time to time.

Of course, if you’re broke (and I know the feeling, believe me), YouTube has a plethora of complete games and highlights to watch as well.

Most importantly — because both the US and UK governments are racing each other to see which can be more incompetent in dealing with this pandemic — it is incumbent on every one of us to look out for ourselves and our neighbours. Take all suggested precautions, don’t hoard the toilet paper (or other necessities, for that matter), and we’ll all get through this until football starts again.

‘You Gotta Have Heart(s)’

In the musical “Damn Yankees,” the manager of the Washington Senators breaks into one of the theatrical performance’s songs about having “heart.” It’s guts, the will to face adversity, the ability to believe that you can overcome sometimes overwhelming odds.

One can only hope that Heart of Midlothian FC were paying attention. Because after the thrashing they received at Celtic Park yesterday . . .

When the odds are sayin’ you’ll never win
That’s when the grin should start

Celtic’s Callum McGregor shoots and scores at the 52-minute mark to put the Bhoys in Green up 3-0. Celtic went on to beat Heart of Midlothian 5-0 at Celtic Park on Wednesday night.

After its usual methodical — some might say “slow” — start with Olivier Ntcham scoring off a rebound at the 30-minute mark to go into the locker room at halftime with a 1-0 lead, Celtic shifted into another gear and, in quick succession scored at 46 minutes (Christopher Jullien) and 52 minutes (Callum McGregor), waiting a bit to score again at 67 minutes (Ryan Christie) and then at 80 minutes (Jozo Simunovic).

All unanswered.

And while it could be a little disconcerting to some to think that Edinburgh could end up a city with only one club in the Scottish Premiership, Celtic on the other hand is a club that is reaching new highs.

Putting aside for a moment the fact that the league, for the second year in a row, may have been won again at Rugby Park — this time by Kilmarnock’s Eamonn Brophy slotting a right-footer against The Rangers making it 2-1 Killie with two minutes remaining — the Celtic team that put on a show Wednesday night in Glasgow fired on all cylinders.

Greg Taylor is fitting in nicely and delivering crosses with apolmb. Christie walked on to the pitch in the second half and, a few minutes later, ended up on the score sheet. Even Simunovic, who many of the so-called Celtic faithful have written off (shame on them!), marshalled the ball around the Celtic half of the pitch on defence for most of the game and, on the last Celtic corner of the game, headed in a delivery into the net with a quick nod to wrap up Celtic’s scoring.

My Man/Woman of the Match? Whomever put on the “Theme from Hawaii 5-0” on the stadium PA after Simunovic, who wears number 5, scored to make the tally — wait for it — 5-0.

OK, seriously: This time, I’d give it to Ntcham, whose ball handling and passing in traffic has been outstanding as of late. Putting back the rebound early in the game didn’t hurt, either, but the Frenchman is showing his worth to the Celtic. Though Taylor is getting better and better now that he’s got a few games under his belt, he easily could have been considered the Man of the Match as well.

It’s a good problem to have — indecision regarding who to give Man of the Match to when there are so many good players performing at peak levels.

But officially, the Man of the Match on Wednesday was McGregor. And rightfully so.

Next up: Aberdeen on Sunday. Mon the Hoops!

Closing the window

One of the advantages — probably the only advantage — of living 5,000 miles west of Glasgow is that the transfer window closes here before the sun goes down. Having the advantage of still being awake and usually on my third cup of coffee for the day, we will see if Celtic makes any further moves as the clock strikes 12 in Glasgow while striking the bewitching hour of 4 p.m. in California, but by all indications it looks like we’re staying put.

And after seeing the deadline pass, with or without any further additions and without any likely departures, I can go have dinner.

Yes, apparently we stay put, much to the dismay of some greeting fans who insist on Celtic spending money like a drunken sailor on shore leave on players just for the sake of signing someone — anyone — to fill in for adequate players who are coming off injuries and soon to return to the pitch.

I’m with Neil Lennon: “We have a good squad, decent depth, and once we get a few injuries back we will be fine.”

Contrary to what the armchair gaffers and PlayStation pundits might think, Lennon is right. Rather than acting like we’re on the brink of relegation, they might want to look at the bigger picture.

While there was also hair-on-fire panic during the last transfer window, in the end it was one of Celtic’s best in recent history. One can hardly make an argument against the fact that Fraser Forster, Hatem Elhamed, Mohammed Elyounoussi and Jeremie Frimpong have made a significant impact on the club. Even Moritz Bauer and Boli Bolingoli-Mbombo — both unfairly criticized by some lately in the questionable objectivity of the Scottish football press, let alone the cesspool known as social media — are decent players who have shown they can contribute.

Boom, baby: Leigh Griffiths puts Celtic 3-0 up in the 26th minute on Wednesday, being part of a tag-team duo with Odsonne Edouard in front for the Hoops.

Leaving out the two new additions (we’ll get to them in a minute), Odsonne Edouard and Leigh Griffith are turning into a tag-team scoring machine. Greg Taylor rightfully may have bought himself a start in future games with his play against the Aints — sorry, the Saints — on Wednesday. Olivier Ntcham, who many think is packing his bags, is showing no signs of leaving while playing remarkably in the midfield. Scott Brown has been shutting down critics who say he has lost a step by having a banner year that defies his age. Until injured, Ryan Christie was unstoppable. I could go on until you are lulled into a coma of boredom, but the fact remains that the team is solid despite injuries.

But speaking of injuries: Christie? Back. Elhamed? Back soon. Elyounoussi? Back soon, hopefully. Jeremie Frimpong? Also back soon hopefully. All of them are joining Jozo Simunovic and Tom Rogic, now back from long-term injuries and getting back into form for the rest of the season.

So, who climbed in the window during this transfer cycle? Let’s take a look at the pair who joined the club this month.

Patryk Klimala

Patryk Klimala joins Celtic.

I have a friend here in the San Lorenzo Valley who is a huge Bayern Munich fan, and he’s pretty much plugged in to European football in general and Polish strikers in particular. He speaks highly of Patryk Klimala, dubbing him “Klimalendowski,” after Bayern’s Polish striker Robert Lewandowski.

All joking aside, Polish Paddy’s 10 minutes against St. Johnstone did little to show his abilities — and that was outlined in Sandman’s ratings of the St. Johnstone game — but in those 10 minutes, he showed some speed and crossing skills in a cross that, had it not been slightly deflected by a panicked Saints defender, could have been his first assist. In addition, Klimala rejected a ball from the near post in the Saints’ final corner in injury time, saving the clean sheet for the Hoops.

In his introduction at his signing, Klimala said that signing for Celtic is a big step up in his career, and he insisted he is ready to prove his worth. If this brief introduction is an indication of what Klimala can do, then his wide range of talents are a welcome addition to the club.

Incidentally, he takes the number 11, which was worn quite succesfully by the recently departed — OK, a little dramatic, recently departed to Preston North End, that is — Scott Sinclair.

Ismaila Soro

Ismaila Soro shows his current colours — green and white — after signing for Celtic.

First things first: Apologies to The Proclaimers (and sing along if you know it) . . .

“My heart was broken, my heart was broken,
Soro, Soro, Soro, Soro . . .

While it may be too early to purloin the Hibs’ song for our own purposes, Ismaila Soro arrives to bolster Celtic’s midfield. The Ivorian signed a four-and-a-half-year deal with the Hoops after a multi-year stint with Israeli club Bnei Yehuda.

The gaffer has high praise for Soro. In a recent interview, Lennon said, “He’ll bring a bit of quality and support in the midfield area. He’s had a good career so far and has played in some tough leagues. He’s come from a team who, while they’re not the top team in Israel, he’s stood out by a distance with his performances there.”

We’re looking forward to it.

Five takeaways from Celtic-Lazio

With roughly 45 seconds left in extra time, Olivier Ntcham sends the fascist hordes in Rome home in tears as Celtic beats Lazio 2-1 on Thursday. Photo credit: The Celtic Star

So the second of the two good-versus-evil football matches transpired in Rome yesterday, and leave it to a black Muslim Celtic midfielder — Olivier Ntcham — to shut down the team so favored by Mussolini back in the day and so favored by lily-white fascists everywhere — OK, at least fascists in Rome — in the present.

Shut them down with about 45 seconds to spare, no less. Merci beaucoup, Olivier.

The legendary Sandman of The Celtic Noise fame has got his ratings on the game here, and it’s definitely worth a read before you continue. I’m glad to wait.

Now that you’re back, here are five takeaways from the successful conquest of Rome.

1. This team is awesome

While it’s probably obvious that this year’s Celtic team is one of the best in the last several years, it’s not often said enough. Down one goal early to one of Italy’s best teams? Not a problem. James Forrest comes back and evens it up, and in the interim, the Celtic defence tightened up and Fraser Forster lived up to his nickname after allowing a “gimme” at the 7-minute mark. One could easily argue that this team can play with, and beat, anyone anywhere, and that wouldn’t be hyperbole.

2. Neil Lennon is awesome

Try as I might, I’ve been attempting on Twitter to give a “hat tip” to those who are coming out and saying, in effect, “I was wrong about Celtic hiring Neil Lennon.” However, after about the 240th post, I gave up. So here’s a blanket “hat tip” to all of those who have admitted to being wrong to have preferred someone else to lead Celtic — someone who would have used Celtic as a stepping stone to another post — rather than Neil, whose gaffer skills are now hitting their stride with a more-than-able Celtic team and whose dedication and devotion to Celtic, like Julius Caesar’s wife, is above reproach.

3. Olivier Ntcham is awesome

I’m going to bet the mortgage that we’re going to see more of Ntcham in the Celtic lineup after the victory in Rome. Why we don’t see more of him — especially after the missile he sent into the net from about 35 yards out against Partick Thistle, the first of two scores by the Frenchman in that game — is a mystery. But I get it: When you have a club that has got so much talent at midfield, it’s hard to start everyone, though those who have been calling for Callum McGregor or Scott Brown to get some rest might have a good case to put in Ntcham in either one’s place.

4. Chris Sutton is awesome

I get it, BT Sports. You block your video feed to the United States because, well, you want to ignore a potentially huge untapped market in North America with a growing number of “soccer” fans in the U.S., hungry for what you can offer. Well, that’s your loss. But thanks to the modern miracle known as the Internet (and how long the video clip stays up remains to be seen) and thanks to a Twitter user named Adam Lynch, we get what is probably the best call of the season, so far, in Chris Sutton on Ntcham’s goal. A HD version is here. “Wow! Wow! Wow! Rome. Conquered.”

Three things about Ntcham’s goal, and Sutton’s reaction, that deserve special mention: a.) After watching this clip about, oh, 900 times (so far), I have no idea who the Lazio player is passing to, other than Odsonne Edouard, unless he is passing to his teammate to his right; otherwise there is no teammate within about 30 yards of him, b.) the funniest reaction, next to Sutton’s, is that of Mohammed Elyounoussi, who just raises his arms and walks — walks — toward Ntcham while his teammates run past (long game, he’s tired, I get it), and c.) there is no sorrier lot on the planet than the greeting clowns who took to social media calling for BT Sports to fire Sutton for his reaction.

5. Fascism still sucks, and has no place in football

Somewhere on social media, a Celtic fan reposted a tweet from a Lazio fan saying something to the effect of, “I am a Lazio fan, but I hate fascism.” Sorry, mate, but you’re an enabler — maybe an unwitting one — of fascism. If that’s your club, you own them. No excuses. Full stop. You own the goosestepping assclowns marching in Glasgow throwing up Nazi salutes. You own the deaths of Tottenham Hotspur fans several years ago at the hands of your fans. You own the stabbings of three — a third, according to a report late on Thursday when one of the buses carrying fans broke down — Celtic supporters. Rome is a large enough city to have more than one club — Italy itself has hundreds — and if it’s your choice to support a club that embraces fascism while UEFA and FIFA both turn a blind eye to it, then you own it. There’s no place for fascism in football. There’s no place for fascism anywhere, period.

On to a match against Motherhell, sorry Motherwell, on Sunday.

5 takeaways from Wednesday

Spending a hot Wednesday morning trying to stay cool here in Central California was made even more difficult — in the best possibly way, mind you — when Celtic turned up the heat on Wednesday evening in Glasgow, when the Bhoys in Green cruised to a 5-0 win over Partick Thistle at Paradise.

Bayo scored, Tom Rogic scored, Olivier Ntcham scored twice and Scott Sinclair came off the bench to score. In his first league game, Jeremie Frimpong gets the Man of the Match. You can read a recap of the game here (and for the legendary Sandman’s report, the PG version, click here), and you can continue to the next paragraph and beyond for five takeaways from Wednesday’s game, like . . .

1. The Wizard goes the distance

Tom Rogic came into the game on Sunday against Kilmarnock, seeing his first action after a long absence due to injury, and was not a factor. Some (not me) said that he looked lethargic, but all I remember from Sunday was gritting my teeth after he was taken down by a hard tackle late in the game.

Well, the Wizard came back for a full 90-minute shift against Partick Thistle and scored at the 46-minute mark. That’s fantastic news for Celtic supporters everywhere, giving Neal Lennon more options at midfield. Hopefully we see more of Rogic during the course of the season.

2. MOTM is not Olivier Ntcham?

Don’t get me wrong: I love this kid. Jeremie Frimpong had a storybook start to his professional career on Wednesday, starting his first game for Celtic and playing remarkably well. But with Olivier Ntcham scoring twice — the second goal a real scorcher, too — doesn’t he at least deserve honorable mention?

OK, I get it. Olivier Ntcham’s snub for MOTM on Wednesday could very well be his punishment for acting like a jerk earlier this season, when he was looking to play elsewhere. Fine. Lesson learned. Now that this is out of our system, we can only hope that he plays every game from here on in like he did on Wednesdsay, and racks up Man of the Match honors going forward.

3. More Hayes, more Sinclair, more subs

If having an overabundance of choices can create headaches for a gaffer, then someone please hand Neil Lennon this bottle of migraine tablets. With all the talent that Celtic has, it has got to be a chore to pick the right lineups and have them firing on all cylinders in every game, let alone knowing when to pull a player and replace him with another (and Lenny addresses this a bit in his post-game interview).

So thank God we’ve got such remarkable talent on the bench. Although Jonny Hayes started on Wednesday — and a successful argument can be made for starting him more often — he is usually a boost off the bench, as he showed against the Rangers at Ibrox a few weeks ago. Scott Sinclair, who lately has been keeping the pine warm (sorry, a baseball expression), showed his talent of games past after coming into the game on Wednesday, and there’s no reason why he can’t be a weapon off the bench, unless of course he finds his form from seasons past and breaks into the starting 11.

4. How about Bayo and Edouard up front?

Now that we’ve gotten a good look at Bayo on Wednesday, could I be the only one who finds the potential of both Bayo and Odsonne Edouard playing up front, at the same time, a source of sheer ecstacy? I mean, seriously — who in the Scottish Premiership could stop this dynamic duo? Oh, and one more thing . . .

5. It’s not ‘Patrick’ Thistle, you idiot!

Just hand me that pointy hat that says “DUNCE” on it and I’ll go ahead and make my way to that seat in the corner of the classroom. For the last few days, in social media and in correspondence, I have to confess that I have been writing “Patrick Thistle” instead of the club’s actual name, which is Partick Thistle. My apologies to the club, and I’ll do my best Emily Litella impersonation: “Never mind.”

[75 degrees. Wildfire threat level today in rural Santa Cruz County: Low.]